It's ok to learn as you go...

As I have stepped back from my religious duties as one called to share God's message. I have come to the understanding of my foolishness as a new convert for the Christian faith. My zeal surpassed many of my fellow converts at the time. Many signs were given to me as to my conversion though events that seemed extraordinary at the time. I am by ever means convinced that I am born again and house the Holy Spirit which is a sign of salvation according to the Apostle Paul in the book of Ephesians. My fire was evident even among my fellow preachers in my theology classes. I could sense God's Spirit working through me which was very humbling even to the point of tears. I was so hell bent in the beginning to not make the mistakes that I sensed that the Christian brotherhood was making at the time, that I believe it pushed my life in error. Even to the point of becoming the very thing that I had despised, fake pious religion. Yes I was full of the Spirit at times, Yes God was using me, yet I was still in error at times. Judging fellow Christians, looking down on them for now being like how I was. No, I would never say that out loud, but that did not matter. It was the way I looked at them with a judgemental mind and heart. And that is what matters in true Christianity. So here I sit, 10 years later looking back at my Christian walk. I look back at the moral failures. The times I failed myself and my fellow Christians. And when I fell, I fell hard. I felt like I had let down everyone, and that the ministry could not go forward. I was wrong. As, I look back, I probably did not need to be in full ministry due to my fresh conversion as Paul warns but, I would not trade any of it.
I have said all that because through the 10 years of failing, I have come to the conclusion that it is very important to understand who we are as people. I believe with my whole heart that if we haven't seen ourselves at our low times, we can't appreciate who we are now. No I am not saying that unless we kill someone we can't appreciate who we are but what I am saying is that unless we understand our destitute and weaknesses in ourselves, we will never forgive others in their failures and shortcomings. I believe that was the tragedy of Jesus' day as well. There were plenty of religious "leaders" who knew theology and the whole "shabang", but they never knew God. So, I suppose to sum this up, I would ask you to examine your own life. Do you know your shortcomings? Do you know your weaknesses as a Christian? Do you even want to know them or are you covering up and defending them? Because I guarantee you that you are not happy with yourself or your life if that's the way you are living. Why do you say? Because your too busy looking down on others and judging what they are doing. Rather know yourself, understanding your faults and begin to appreciate life and others.