So I'm losing my job in a month. This is life at 33. My soul has went through every stage of grief and I seem to go back stage two, anger. Yet, after reading some of my other posts, this is just another step in my life of emotions & experiences. Like always, I'll pick up my bags and move forward into another chapter. Yes it feels like rain is pouring on my soul from time to time, but at the end of the day, I'm walking into the sunset. I can sense the sun warming my face and clothes and I know that the future will be ok. As lost as I feel at times, I know who holds my future tight in His hands. So I'll press on towards tomorrow, with hope. Till next time my friends.

Learning as you go: material possesions

It is evident that material possessions do not give us internal peace and rest. If so, then America should be the happiest country in the world, but we are not. In fact, we have become unhappy pursuing these "treasures". I suppose the question now would be, "why do we continue to chase after such things then?" It is evident that food isn't what we seek after either. America is one of the worst overweight countries to date, yet we continue to get bigger and bigger and our happiness gets smaller and smaller. For you Christians out there, it should be evident now, that our happiness come from Christ. Our savior, peace giver, our Master. One of the things that I am learning as I go, is that King Solomon was right, chasing after all these material things is a waste of time. They do not give us lasting happiness. Which everyone wants. Anyway, I'm just taking some time today to share whats on my heart and what I feel I'm learning as I go. What about you?

It's ok to learn as you go...

As I have stepped back from my religious duties as one called to share God's message. I have come to the understanding of my foolishness as a new convert for the Christian faith. My zeal surpassed many of my fellow converts at the time. Many signs were given to me as to my conversion though events that seemed extraordinary at the time. I am by ever means convinced that I am born again and house the Holy Spirit which is a sign of salvation according to the Apostle Paul in the book of Ephesians. My fire was evident even among my fellow preachers in my theology classes. I could sense God's Spirit working through me which was very humbling even to the point of tears. I was so hell bent in the beginning to not make the mistakes that I sensed that the Christian brotherhood was making at the time, that I believe it pushed my life in error. Even to the point of becoming the very thing that I had despised, fake pious religion. Yes I was full of the Spirit at times, Yes God was using me, yet I was still in error at times. Judging fellow Christians, looking down on them for now being like how I was. No, I would never say that out loud, but that did not matter. It was the way I looked at them with a judgemental mind and heart. And that is what matters in true Christianity. So here I sit, 10 years later looking back at my Christian walk. I look back at the moral failures. The times I failed myself and my fellow Christians. And when I fell, I fell hard. I felt like I had let down everyone, and that the ministry could not go forward. I was wrong. As, I look back, I probably did not need to be in full ministry due to my fresh conversion as Paul warns but, I would not trade any of it.
I have said all that because through the 10 years of failing, I have come to the conclusion that it is very important to understand who we are as people. I believe with my whole heart that if we haven't seen ourselves at our low times, we can't appreciate who we are now. No I am not saying that unless we kill someone we can't appreciate who we are but what I am saying is that unless we understand our destitute and weaknesses in ourselves, we will never forgive others in their failures and shortcomings. I believe that was the tragedy of Jesus' day as well. There were plenty of religious "leaders" who knew theology and the whole "shabang", but they never knew God. So, I suppose to sum this up, I would ask you to examine your own life. Do you know your shortcomings? Do you know your weaknesses as a Christian? Do you even want to know them or are you covering up and defending them? Because I guarantee you that you are not happy with yourself or your life if that's the way you are living. Why do you say? Because your too busy looking down on others and judging what they are doing. Rather know yourself, understanding your faults and begin to appreciate life and others.

Take some notes, you not going to want to miss this one!!

One thing for sure that this whole Tiger woods extravaganza has made me realize. Rich, or poor, black, white or Native American, man is fallible, regardless of the pedestal we put him on. With that said, let me clear the air. Take today and make it a good one. Yesterday is gone. Don't spend your energy on being mad. All being mad does is stress you out and wear you down. Get over it. Expect that people are going to disappoint you, and rise above it. Don't live in yesterday's garbage either. Nothing destroys a life and vigor more than wallowing in past garbage. Also, try to laugh today. Find someone who makes you laugh and hang out with them. Laughter is medicine to the soul. I guarantee a life that isn't laughing is a life that's hallow of life and bitter. Don't be that person. Lastly, forgive someone today. This extends to other emotions including jealousy, unforgiving, greed, selfishness etc. If you feel any of that today, take notice, get rid of it and get on with living. Clean up that soul of yours today and make you life a good one. God bless!!

Just taking a minute to vent...

Let's just stop for a minute and evaluate our lives!! We continue to either be in a state of such stress and high blood pressure or we are lulling ourselves to sleep with mediocrity. I sometimes picture the earth spinning like a top and I can see the world moving just as fast. We fly to this country, drive over to this destination, continuing the rat race. Let's just stop for minute!! We are thinking about bills. We are thinking about this or that. Never stopping and enjoying today. We are unhappy because we don't get our way. We are unhappy because we don't have the biggest TV or the newest set of clothes. We are failing and moving forward everyday. For Christ's sake stop it for a minute!! Take a look out the window and enjoy the sunshine. Enjoy a minute and take a deep breathe of fresh air. Enjoy the swaying of the trees. Listen to the kids playing off in the distance. For whatever it is that you haven't done in awhile. Do it!! Get your butt back on track and live life like it should be. Believe it or not, you were meant to enjoy life. How the story is written is up to you. Make it the best today!!

Hello Blogger World!!

Just about to sign off for the day. I'm taking a step back in my life. Hopefully I'm not taking a step backwards in my life, but just taking a moment to take a look at the painting I've created thus far. I sometimes look at the choices I've made and "wonder what I was thinking"? Have you ever just up and left all you have loved and known for some sort of divine purpose? I have. Because of that choice, many fruits were born of it. Some good, some bad. But overall, I experience much that I would not have, had I stayed put. Well, I suppose that's not all true. I suppose I could have experience something else had I remained. Anyway, we continue to choose and live. Day in and day out. Choose, then live. In those years I've flown the world. Climbed some of the highest mountains and been in some of the lowest valley's. Hopefully, I'd like to experience another ten years, see what it has in store for me. Anyway, I hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. Make it a great one!!

Perfect Ending...

There is a song today, that took me back and I wanted to share it with you today. It a song called Red light by David Nail. I've shared this story with my wife, and thought it to be an experience that seems to be story book. I had made one last ditch effort to span the already widened gap between my relationship with her. My world was falling apart in front of my face, so the only thing I knew to do, was to go see her. It was a spur of the moment decision, and I made it. I took off 150 miles to go see her, but not before buying her a couple gifts to lighten the mood. Maybe she would be happy at least about the gifts. So when I got there, she was very uninterested that I was there. In fact, she was darn right rude. My heart was broken, but I tried not to show it. I was scratching and clawing to keep the ember burning. Little had I known it was already out. We sat around and I asked her what she wanted to do, she shrugged her shoulders. Any idea I came up with was not to her approval. So, I knew I was alone there at her house. She was cold, I was there, I knew things were over. I wasn't sure what to do, so, I did what any man would do. I left. I didn't say goodbye to anyone. I got in my car, and drove off. It started raining and I thought what a long drive it would be back home. I got down the road a bit and looked down and there were her gifts sitting next to me. I paused for a minute. Still holding on, hoping. I thought for a moment, turned the car around and pulled back into the driveway. Her dad and her were standing in the garage. This was it, I thought. I grabbed her gifts and opened up the car door. As I got out, the rain fell on my face and I thought, "what a perfect ending." She ran out to me and asked me where I went. I said I'm leaving. She hugged me and said she was sorry. Not the sorry come back in, but sorry I hurt you. I'm sorry this is over. That kind of sorry. The rain steadily fell on the both of us. This was the end. I grinned the best I could, gave her the gifts, turned and got in the car. As I was pulling away, I looked into the rear view, I saw her and her father standing in the garage as the rain continued to fall. It was surreal. If you have never had your heart broken, you might not know what I'm speaking of. That moment when what you held to for so long, the person that your heart longed after, was gone from your life. That's the moment I'm speaking of, and to have the rain pouring down on the two of us, as we said goodbye, was story book. As I look back at such an experience, I am so glad I got a chance to experience that. Yes it was so hard at the time, but wow, what's a life look like not lived? Not getting the chance to experience that at all. I wouldn't trade any of that. Especially when I have everyone and everything I want now. Anyway, I just felt nostalgic today and thought I would share that with you. Have a great day!!